Q&A: We had sex before we were married. How can I forgive myself?
Q: My husband is the only man I have been with, and I am the only woman
he has been with, but we were together before we got married. We have a
normal sex life, but I can't help but feel we're doing something wrong
when we have sex. I tell myself, "It's okay now, he's your husband;
you're supposed to enjoy him," but it often still feels wrong to me. I
just feel stuck. How can I forgive myself and move on?
A: You are asking two separate but
connected questions. The first question is about truly walking in
forgiveness. Moving past your sin does not require you to forgive
yourself, but to absolutely believe God when he says, "As far as the
east is from the west, so far have I removed your sin from you" (Psalm
103:12). And, "If you confess your sin, I will be faithful and just to
forgive your sin and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness" (1 John
1:9). Do you really believe this is true, even if you don't feel
forgiven? If you and your husband have confessed your sin, you are
forgiven. Are you willing to walk by faith in that forgiveness?
The second question is about whether or not God really blesses
passionate, erotic love between a husband and a wife. Many Christians
give lip service to this idea, but in practical life, they still battle
lies that sex is dirty, and that sexual pleasure is wrong. He created
sex as holy, as extremely pleasurable, and as a wonderful gift for you
and your husband. He gives you permission to pursue the deepest, most
exciting passion. It brings glory to him when you do so. If you doubt
this, study the Song of Solomon in which God clearly blesses and
elevates the importance of sexual love.
So, open the gift! Kick the enemy, that Father of lies, out of your bedroom and enjoy what God said is good!
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